Balancing Money and Motherhood.... (Spoiler alert: it isn't fun).

No, this is not your average blog post about motherhood being the most important thing like, ever; or touting staying at home.  I won't lecture one way or the other.  I often wonder why anyone does.  Anything that purports to tell a woman what to do in her own life is hurting, not helping the women's movement. 

When did a woman's right to choose suddenly only refer to abortion and birth control?  When I think of a woman's right to choose, I think about how hard it is to balance money and motherhood; and about how difficult it can be to figure out your path in life.  That is where I am now. 

Growing up I told myself I wanted a career.  It usually involved the idea of writing, or something in the social services.  I got my college degrees, with that end game in mind.  After I was married, I was diagnosed with a mental illness which created a lot of havoc with my ability to function daily.  Once I began to understand and get the illness under control, I got pregnant and had my son.  As it turns out, as much as I love him, his struggles with Autism and ADHD were yet another hurdle in my desire to both parent and work outside the home.  

Truth be told, I'm perfectly happy with staying at home. I'm there to answer the many calls from the school.  (Yes, it happens more often than I'd like). I'm alright with the hundreds of jobs that are involved with keeping the house clean.  I can mow the lawn, pay the bills, and cook with the best of them.  What I'm not okay with is the judgment and attitude other men and women occasionally give me.  

I hate it when people judge an individual's decision to work or not work outside of the home.  I hate the smug stay at home moms who talk crap about other women who choose to work outside of the home.  Part-time parenting?  Please, many of your kids are in school all day anyway.  And I equally hate when women who work outside of the home downplay the time and effort those at home put into doing their jobs well.  

Why can't we spend more time lifting one another up instead of tearing them down?  I've got an AMAZING friend who works full time.  I admire her so much.  She works long hours doing hard work, then comes home to do everything else.  Yes, her kids go to school and are picked up by a babysitter.  But she does the laundry, the cooking, and the cleaning.  She helps her kids with their homework and tucks them in at night.  How is she a part-time parent?  She is providing for her family and for her own goals. She is constantly fighting the "woman in the workplace" stereotype, and attempting that perilous dance to balance money and motherhood. There is NOTHING to tear down there.  She is AMAZING.

 

I know another wonderful woman who is a stay at home mom.  She spends ALL day cooking, cleaning, doing home projects, volunteering at the school, volunteering at her church, and taking care of EVERY little detail that needs to be done.  She does this because it makes her happy.  It makes her husband happy, and it makes her kids happy.  Her efforts shouldn't be put down because she isn't a "career woman."  She doesn't choose to do this because she isn't smart enough to do something else.  She is a HIGHLY educated woman.  Her choice is valid, wonderful, and once again, NOTHING to tear down.  

I know what you are thinking.  You want to know why the men don't step up and either help the working mother with at least 50% of the at home work, or give the stay at home mom more gratitude.  

I could go into this, but lets just say; they need a serious kick in the ass.  I'll leave it at that.  

There are many women who can't chose.  They are forced to work because of the financial strains.  There are women who would like to work but find that it would earn them so little due to child care costs, that it doesn't make financial sense.  And there are women like me, who want to work, but are still figuring out the best way to go about it.

I love that my husband works hard.  I don't love that he thinks I don't.  This is something we are working on.  I'd imagine many of you other women, stay at home or not, struggle with this too.  

Ladies, lets be kind to one another.  Motherhood is wonderful.  It is difficult.  It is a balancing act.  We have enough on our plates without judging one another on their life decisions.  Lets move this Women's Movement one step up.  Because if we don't have each others backs, no one will.