It's been two years since my episode of Mormon Stories. A lot has changed in my life since then, and I've definitely had to grow a thicker skin. I thought you may be interested in what is happening with me since those 4 hours of interview hit the air.
The biggest change was with my Father. If you read any of my most recent posts, you know he developed a rare form of cancer and died in March of 2016. When I heard he was sick I flew out to Utah to be with him. I was with him 24/7 until he passed away. He hadn't spoken to me since the interview, but funnily enough, knowing you are about to die changes people. He told me I hurt a lot of people with my interview, and perhaps I did. It was certainly never my intention, nor has hurting people ever been. He cried, something I had never seen him do, and begged me to come back to the church. I was stuck. How do I be true to myself and yet let him die in peace? I promised him I would figure my life out. I'm still trying.Not long after he died I separated from my husband. I'm sure the internet trolls are full of "I knew its" right about now. Hate to break it to you, but everyone could see that one coming. He was abusive and together we were not cohesive. Perhaps it was because I cheated on him, but the marriage had been dead long before that. Either way it was for the best.
With divorce comes the long battle of child custody. I fought for them until I ran out of money, which didn't take all that long because lawyers cost around $350 an hour in these parts. And, if I am being honest, I knew that all I had was a few dusty college degrees and little work experience, other than being a stay at home mom for 10 years. Unfortunately no one seems to think that is worth anything when looking to hire you. I conceded to my ex, and we share custody 60/40 and I pay him child support. I see my kids as often as I can and, with no guilt, enjoy the time I don't.
I got a job as a detention officer for a local sheriff's department, and while I was there I met my current boyfriend. I've discovered how off kilter my marriage truly was, and how a woman should be treated. He helps me see things with a fresh perspective, and I love him for it. The best part is he doesn't really understand all the workings of Mormon culture, so he can't get caught up in it.
I never did fully resign. I don't know what happened to my paperwork, and I stopped caring. That is what I like the most about having left the church. I truly left it. I still know a bit about what is going on within the church, but for the most part, I don't care. I'm free. It doesn't matter to me if I have a paper stating my name isn't on record anymore. What matters to me is that I'm happy, and that is all I ever wanted, simple as that may seem.
Because I'm not perfect, I want to say a few words to the harsh critics, those who have never met me, but who felt the need to say hurtful remarks on the internet. I've never understood why someone would feel the need to go and say hateful things anonymously. Say it to my face, and let me explain to you the true story behind your misguided perceptions.
For the most part, I don't care if people label me as having "mental issues." It is a stupid label, and one that only harms people. We ALL have mental issues at some point in time. If I seemed unstable, I'd ask you to step inside my life for a moment. I had a lot going on, and I wasn't afraid to show it. I'm HUMAN. I struggle. Life can be hard. Abraham Lincoln once said, "He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help." I love that quote! Those of us who want to criticize better be ready to step out from behind our keyboards and help. I hate knowing that suicide is on the rise, often because of internet bullies feeling the need to hurt someone senselessly. Kindness matters. To me, if you have never struggled with anxiety or depression, your opinion on someone who does holds little value. What you do with that opinion does.
It was pointed out that I'm no one special, just someone related to a Mormon Apostle. I don't refute that. I'm pretty average. But I also want other average people like me to know it is okay to be vulnerable. You don't need to be a scholar or someone "significant" in the church for your story to matter. People may put you down, and say your story isn't important, but they are wrong. It is the average person that holds any society together. You have more influence than you know.
I was told I am not a good "exmo". I had to laugh because I don't buy into that at all. I am who I am. I never wanted to be the face of a movement, just to be left alone. I don't need to attack the church, but I can talk about things and try to make them better from whatever situation I'm in. This is what I hope others like me can do. Don't get caught up in "exmormon" culture. It is just another stress you don't need. Just be happy. Have courage to stand up when things are wrong, and above all, treat others with kindness and respect, no matter who they are.
My grandpa and I still have the same relationship we always did. Mostly one that is a complex mixture of love and misunderstanding. I still think he believes 100% in what he does. I love him. I defend him. He's a great guy, albeit imperfect. I just want him to be happy.
I stand by everything I said in my interview. I know a lot more about the history of the Mormon church, as well as the inner workings, but it doesn't change my statements. Is the Mormon church true? I don't know. Is any religion? I don't know. I'm open to all possibilities. I'm just not going to waste one more minute of my life being unhappy over them. I wish the same for you. Take care and let your story be heard, YOU matter!
Grateful for your courage, Laura. You have helped many people. Honored for your willingness to share your story on Mormon Stories Podcast. And so happy that you have found some joy/peace.
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Well I for one think you are great. God bless you for your authenticity and courage.
ReplyDeleteLaura, I just barely listened to your Mormon Stories interview and after listening to more hours than I can count of these interviews, yours felt the most similar to my own. Unfortunately, it looks like you've gotten even closer to my experience with the divorce and all of that... Anyhow, I really appreciate your perspective and the fact that you still are motivated by kindness and caring, even when the people that you know the most have such a hard time seeing past things like obedience and blind faith... Anyway, I don't know what all to say but I really appreciate hearing your story and I just wanted to thank you for sharing it all.
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ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your Mormon stories interview. I have not seen both in fact I am not all the way through the first one. You seem like a wonderful person. I am not part of the exmo movement ( I think that’s what they are calling themselves) in fact I didn’t even know about it. I am an active believing member with all the normal healthy questions. In spite of them, Im solid in there... with my faults and flaws and all and my eyes wide open. I am neither reaching out to preach or convert you or go all “anti” digging up dirt. I am reaching out as family with similar experiences. while I don’t know you, I feel a desire to connect. I am a church nobody special, but your grandfather is my cousin and we do have a family bond instilled in us. I have them in me and in listening to you i recognize you have them instilled in you too. Maybe that’s why I’m reaching out. I am the youngest in my family and my father Hyrum was your great grandmother geraldine’s Youngest brother. Your great grandmother was the oldest ( I remember well being in aunt Geraldine and uncle melvin’s House). I don’t know if you remember her other siblings but I do so well. My dad was always uncle Hy to your grandpa. And my dad would always say of your dad... even as an elderly apostle and leader of the church “he’s a good boy”. That generation had a love for each other and heritage deeply instilled in them and like it or not, it has distilled down into each of us. I would love to communicate with you. We share both a common history and common experiences. We have been raised, for good or bad, in the very same environment with our history. I don’t think I ever met your mom and dad but I do love your grandparents and while I have not been around them a ton (I grew up on the east coast and in Seattle) I love your family with that family bond and am proud of them and all that generation above us. I don’t know if you will even see this, but I feel a connection to reach out to you. If you do, let’s talk. I would love that.
Todd in Seattle
(Second cousin once removed or first cousin a millionth squared or whatever we are ha!)
Make that... “ my dad would always say of your grandpa (not your dad) that he was such a good boy”. He meant that in the greatest admiration and respect for your grandpa.....
ReplyDeleteI listened to your Mormon Stories podcasts tonight. Wow. I was wondering earlier today what my authentic life would have been without the Mormon culture I was saturated in as a child. I delighted to watch you in the podcast being authentic and candid and delightful. Thank you for being you. It is important for me to see it, experience it and process it through your brave candor. Bravo you. Thank you. I am 65 and a mother of 7. Inactive for 15 years and currently transitioning out as I find my own authenticity, values and boundaries. Beautiful you-you bring a big smile to my face and a spring to my step. I want to grow up to be like you....authentic and living your life according to your heart and own vision. Thank you again.
ReplyDeleteI came across your Mormon Stories podcast and was blown away by how honest your were about your life and situations you have come across. You are truly an extremely strong person to be able to "be yourself" against a ton of familial and cultural pressure. What you did is not easy to do and I fully recognize it. Thank you for sharing part of your life with all of us. I personally take a lot of courage in your example.
ReplyDeleteI just saw your interview on Mormon Stories Podcast. I thought it was awesome. I grew up a Mormon, went on a mission and was unhappy as well. I resigned from the church. I'm glad I did and have been learning about the history that has deliberately been hidden from members. I think you are a brave and courageous person. I admire your strength. The interview was awesome, it would be cool if you did a follow up.
ReplyDeleteThis is the most beautiful post I've read in 10 years. My God you are amazing. I'm a cynic and not always a good person but you are truly amazing.
ReplyDeleteIf there's a good you're on the right side of him!
Laura, Thank you for sharing your story on Mormon Stories. Even though I was a "regular" member with both parents who converted to the church as teens, I too left the Mormon church for the same reasons, and hearing your story brought peace and comfort to my mind. I too struggle with depression and anxiety, and I found that leaving the church has helped a lot. Sometimes I questioned myself leaving for some of those reasons, cause you know, "Wickedness was never happiness", your words reminded me that leaving the church for my happiness is not wicked, and now I don't feel so alone in my journey. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I cannot say it enough, and I want you to know that those people who talk bad about you, they don't understand and know that you have people supporting you, including myself. I Love you, even though I don't know you, and I am grateful to you for sharing your story.I wish the best for you.
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