Dear Ex-Husband

All of us, at one time or another, want to write a letter to someone out there who irritates the hell out of us.  Recently, I just got tired of holding all my feelings in, and I penned this letter to my ex.


Dear Ex-Husband,

I ascertain from your last text message that you are angry at me for dropping the kids off an hour early.  I sincerely apologize for ruining that last hour of peace, so that you can finish watching "The Game."  Except, I don't really feel bad.  In fact, there is something satisfying about seeing you get what you fought so damn hard for in court.  You get the kids the majority of the time.  You get a portion of each and every one of my paychecks, and you get to look like a long-suffering abused single father.  It must be so grand.

Remember when you told me you wanted a divorce, merely days after my father died?  Remember how, when I was LITERALLY locked away getting "treatment" for depression after the loss of my father, you unenrolled the children from school in Texas, and took them to live in California without my consent?  I don't suppose you have any idea of the heartbreak and anguish that caused, but it was indescribable.    

Perhaps you recall telling CPS that I was an unfit mother due to depression?  Maybe you forgot to tell them I had JUST LOST MY DAD.  So I was under investigation before I even knew it.  And, in any future job interview for my field of Law Enforcement, this would be an absolute red flag, and could hinder my ability to work.

Speaking of work, boy was it a surprise to go back to work after losing my dad, to be taken out of the classroom by the Principal, and asked to leave.  Turns out you had gone to the school when you took the children, and told them I was unfit.  I guess you didn't think about how this newly single and now jobless woman was going to give you money for child support. 

I turned to my friend to find that you had turned her against me as well.  I never did find out what you told her, but she sent me a text telling me to never contact her again.  I hear you two still hang out occasionally.   I hope you have fun. 

Here's the thing.  I don't feel bad about returning the kids early.  I'm not a babysitter.  You wanted to be the primary caregiver, and guess what?  I ran out of money fighting you.  So you got it!  Remember when I stayed at home for 9 years to raise our kids?  Remember how you would leave, for months at a time, and I had no other choice but to just deal with what came along?  You couldn't have forgotten, could you, that you left me pregnant and with a six month old baby for a year?  You gave me no support then, so you should be grateful for what you get now. 

You know I love our children.  But I'm done sacrificing my life for YOU.  I'll always be available to my kids.  I'm an amazing mother.  Even CPS thinks so, no thanks to you.  But you are right.  I am a terrible wife; at least for you.  You need someone to do everything you want, and to forget about her life dreams and aspirations.  I'll admit I was a great wife for many years.  I chose to be a stay at home wife and mother, because I thought I was supposed to.  Even if I didn't want to.  If I ever choose to marry again, I'll be an even better wife to someone else.  Because that man will encourage me to live my dreams. 

I'm sorry about that extra hour you had to parent.  But you've got an established career, making great money.  I'm 34, just starting my career.  Getting paid much less than my education warrants, all because of my lack of experience.  I don't hear any apologies coming from those lips of yours, so I'm going to go ahead and assume you don't give a damn. 

And so, dear ex-husband, I wish you the best.  I look forward to watching you wish you hadn't tried to ruin my life.  It's okay though.  I might actually need to THANK YOU.  I'm loving life.  I've got a bachelorette pad.  I go on dates with REALLY hot guys, and I don't need a damn thing from you.  So, as much as I loathe saying it, thank you.  Your douche-baggery has been a wonderful thing.