The following is the exact letter I just sent to my maternal grandpa, Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.
Dear Grandpa,
I hope all is well with you and Grandma. I wanted
to say that I am sorry if anything I said was hurtful to you. I didn't
mean for it to be, though I can understand if you are upset.
Right
now I have no testimony of the gospel. It frightens me to say that I
don't even know the place that Jesus Christ plays in my life anymore.
But that doesn't mean that I am no longer a good person. In fact, I may
be a better person out of the church than I ever was in it.
Thankfully,
I've had a group of wonderful people enter into my life since I did the
Mormon Stories interview. Yes, most of them are people who have left
the church. These people have surrounded me with love; while those who
professed to be my friends dropped me out of their lives. It has been
such an enriching experience to get to know these people. They come
from various backgrounds, with many different ideas and questions. I
feel like that black and white thinking I have had my entire life has
vanished. And I am so grateful. It is dangerous, and in the case of
those struggling, with homosexuality or other issues, it can be deadly.
Grandpa, I am sad that people who leave the church are treated so badly. I know there are no people teaching members to be unkind to those who have left the church, but there are
people teaching that we have been misled by Satan. You may agree with
this, but I see it as problematic. We are considered less than with
this way of thinking. If you leave, you are less valiant, less strong,
less spiritual. You are easily led astray by others and value your own
knowledge above that of the Lord's. I can only speak for me, but I can
say that I am more humble now than I was before. I'm more open to the
idea that I can be wrong. I'm also more open to the idea that it is
okay to be wrong. I believe that if there is a God, He would rather
have us question, and learn as much as possible, before we come to any
conclusions.
Aren't we taught to seek things out in our mind,
before we make a choice? How can anyone truly say that they have a
knowledge, when in my experience, LDS members (including myself) are
some of the most ignorant people in the world regarding their own
history? How does this not bother you? I believe a true test of faith
is to know as much as humanly possible, then act accordingly.
I
understand that you may not want to respond. In my mind I see you
sitting there, shaking your head at my foolishness, or my "rebellious
phase." I hope you are not, because it is so hurtful to be seen as
someone who doesn't think things through, when I am in the process of
trying to do exactly that. I'm still Laura. I'm still the same girl
who looks up to you and who LOVES you dearly. I'm still that same girl
who wants to do what you tell me. I wish it were still so simple for me
to do exactly that.
There is nothing more I would love than to
believe 100% in the LDS church again. I think many members who have
left would agree with me. It is SO MUCH EASIER to stay in the church
than to leave it. We leave behind family, friends, and our heritage.
We don't do it just because we are "feeling rebellious" or "in a
phase". We do it because we are following the dictates of our own
conscience. We are trying to form our own thinking patterns, and
reconcile our own beliefs with what we see in the world. So please, do
not write us off so quickly with the blanket of, "These are the last
days, and even the very elect will fall away." That is inappropriately
simplifying a very complicated process.
I suppose I am reaching
out for understanding. I'm not asking for a sign, or for you to
convince me of the truth. I would certainly be open to any thoughts or
ideas that I may not have had, as well as any enlightenment you would
want to share.
I love you, always and forever and no matter what.
Love,
Laura
Awesome!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100% but even if I didn't, I'm not in the habit of deleting things I don't like. (See what I did there?) ;) I suppose the letter was more for my own peace.
DeleteMmm. I understand.
DeleteHaha, yes, I think you wouldn't burn the printing press. :P
I like that. Thanks so much for sharing. I did the same for my family and it helped me a lot.
And thanks for your Mormon Stories interview!
Very Nice Laura!
DeleteI especially like the part where you told him that you hope he is not shaking his head at your foolishness. This lets him know that you know the standard response, and that it is wrong.
Please keep us posted if you have any follow up
I can certainly empathize and sympathize with her plight and frustration. If I were her grandfather I would say something like,
Delete“I can't tell for sure, but it sounds like you are using reasoning as most if not your entire basis for making decisions. And, if you are doing that I can see why you might leave the Church. We have a lot in our past that when just using reasoning makes little sense and could easily cause one to question, if not doubt. You stated,
“I believe a true test of faith is to know as much as humanly possible, then act accordingly." And also, "We do it because we are following the dictates of our own conscience. We are trying to form our own thinking patterns, and reconcile our own beliefs with what we see in the world.”
This is certainly a rational course. I or any Church leader doesn’t expect you to do what we or anyone else says against your fully informed conscience. Our fully informed conscience is all we have to go on, but we need to make sure that before we make life altering decisions that our conscience is truly fully informed “as much as humanly possible.”
I think it is important to take into account all the available sources of information we can when working “to know as much as humanly possible.” In my own life when I’ve received new information that was contradictory to what I thought I knew, my emotions came into play inordinately in the form of fear and frustration. My reasoning about this single item and its implications was all I could think about and I lost sight of the bigger picture. When I thought I was using my conscience to make a decision on the matter I was really only using part of my conscience and part of my reasoning.
The first thing that helped me resolve it was to take things slowly and not be in too big of hurry to come to a conclusion. Then I try and take into account more information (“as much as humanly possible”). I think my conscience is fully informed when I take into account information from: my rational mind, my past beliefs and experiences, spiritual impressions from God and influences and opinions from others. It was important that I searched each of these areas extensively. Then, they all came together weighted by how certain I was of each one of them into a final conclusion. It was also important, that I didn’t prematurely reinterpret my past spiritual feelings as not from God before I came to any new conclusion. Those past spiritual feelings are legitimate data points that belong on the table before a conclusion is made.
Sometimes troubling information was only troubling because I had an incorrect paradigm. Relative to the history issue, if we had the belief that Church leaders were near perfect, we would likely be troubled when we see historically that they made mistakes, even big ones. And, I know that we haven’t been that forthright about allowing those mistakes to be seen by the membership. But, once our paradigm changes to one where we realize that God, for reasons we don't know, allows His chosen leaders to work many things out on their own and in so doing mistakes have been made we can deal with the humanness of leaders. For some things I’ve just had to live with some uncertainty—live by faith. That is OK.
I hope you will find peace in the path you choose and I will love and accept you regardless. I would be happy to talk to you in person. I want to hear your concerns. I won’t be defensive or preachy. When could we meet?”
You're assuming she acted quickly and impulsively.
DeleteMany, many, many have taken the slow, non-knee jerk reaction to allow for additional information to clarify.
No personal emotions erase the facts that completely discredit the organization. For example, evidence the Book of Mormon (keystone of the religion) being copied from multiple books, the book of Abraham not being "from the pen of Abraham " and on and on.
No "talking to" will make that go away or be ok
The answer is not always "stay in the boat" and people need to accept that. That's the point of the letter
Big hugs Laura! I am always uplifted when I read your posts.
ReplyDeleteIf we should just have faith, then why can't I choose to have faith in Islam, or any other religion? These people in other religions have spiritual experiences that touch their hearts. How can we do a reproduceable, blind test as to which religion in right? When young Muslims read the Quoran, pray about it, and live the teachings to know if Islam is real, they come to "know" it is true.
ReplyDeleteIf I am required to "choose to believe" something without evidence, why shouldn't I choose to believe something that makes me happier, like a typical protestant belief that Christ loves and saves me no matter what I do?
Troy, Good point. If I understand you correctly we are talking about choosing to believe the church (LDS) "without evidence". I would consider the belief of other LDS and the results in their lives as evidence. Now, there is similar evidence for other religions, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t evidence for the LDS church. In addition, one can try and see if they can obtain some evidence from a Higher Source that joining the faith of the LDS is the best path for them, though not everyone receives a strong witness they hope for.
DeleteAlso, a quote from a blog http://www.churchistrue.com/lds-truth-and-beauty/ is appropriate:
“The [total] value of a religion doesn’t come in its historical claims or literal claims to authority from God. A [significant] value of a religion is in the good fruit experienced in the lives of individuals, families, and communities. Truth of a religion is in the ability for its members to worship God and find a meaningful relationship with him. It’s in the ability to improve and better ourselves. It’s in finding and living the abundant life.”
In the end each of us has to go with what we strongly feel is the best for us and what we feel God wants us to do. In my opinion, no one can be faulted for sincerely and anxiously pursuing that path.
Unfortunately, Mormonism makes some very clear historical and scientifically testable claims. For some people, it is deeply troubling when these are found to be demonstrably false.
DeleteKarl Stum - How is there any more such "evidence" in LDS people's lives than in people of other religions? Statistically speaking there are many many more happy, well-adjusted people in the world outside of the church than in it, many of them having no religious affiliation at all.
DeleteI actually kind of agree with the sentiment from that quote, but the problem is that the LDS church teaches that it is literally, historically true, and there are plenty of people whose lives are only made more difficult by the church.
Danny – Well, on the first point you made, here’s some evidence: “Three years ago, the Gallup organization released the results of a massive study on the link between religion and happiness, surveying 676,000 people. The result? Mormons and Jews tied for first place, with a 69.4% “Well-Being Index Composite Score.” See the article I quoted from and their sources and additional studies here: http://janariess.religionnews.com/2015/07/02/5-reasons-why-mormons-are-happier-says-researcher/. But, nonetheless, I know there are happy and content people in other religions and in no religion at all. It’s not religion that will make one happy, it can only facilitate happiness. This empirical evidence is no proof that the Church truth claims are accurate, but it can give someone reason to investigate further, a reason to give place for faith or belief, including seeking divine guidance in the choice. Another very good read is the essay by Eugene England with the provocative title “Why the Church is as True as the Gospel” here: http://eugeneengland.org/wp-content/uploads/sbi/articles/1999_e_op_004.pdf
DeleteChurch is meant to enrich our lives, not impoverish it. Christ is there to provide us eternal life, a hope that can only be fulfilled through his Atonement, mercy, and grace. We can turn that down, but that offer is eternal from His end. The imperfect part of Christ church is the Latter-Day Saint portion, and the false doctrines that seep through, but for some reason God permits this.
ReplyDeleteWhen the time is right, I hope you & others can come back to church with a renewed Spirit, not because you have to, but because you want to be part of our imperfect community striving to become Zion. In the mean time, continue to let God guide your life and love people.
Sorry on behalf of the Church, for not being as understanding & loving, we're still working on that, hopefully God's message will break through and reach all of us sooner than later, so we can all be kind to one another.
God bless, (just a regular member of the Church).
This is a loving reply. I'd like to talk to you if you are up to it. myprivacy30@gmail.com
DeleteThank you for writing and sharing this.
ReplyDeleteYou are making some excellent points, and I suggest you read a post written by Mike Turnlund in the website Mormon Coffee: http://blog.mrm.org
ReplyDeleteHe is not a member of the church, but he has studied it, and he posts what he sees. He states that ultimately the LDS religion is not about truth; it's about a community. It is the community that makes it hard to leave, which is what you are struggling with. But ultimately it is the truth that is coming out about the church's history, as well as it's current positioning.
Best of luck on your journey. If you were my granddaughter I would accept you unconditionally.
People who preach thinking and soul-searching without actually doing it themselves are clearly caught in that circle of doubt your doubts. It is evident in their remarks here. I really appreciate this blogpost. It speaks to me and so many of us who have been labeled apostate. And it is so hard to have a conversation with those within the Church who are convinced they are right. Thanks for keeping this conversation going.
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