Tuesday, February 10, 2015

The Unspoken "Mormon Code"




I have always been taught not to share "past transgressions".  In the mission field, there was a saying, "No PTs."  I always hated that saying, and hated the concept even more.

Recently, after deciding I was going to share a very personal and painful experience, I decided to see if there was any doctrine behind this well accepted aspect of "Mormon culture".

There isn't. 

What is it about our culture that convinces us to sweep our pain under the rug?  I believe we have a culture of shame.  I hope to try and stop this; even if it is in just one person.  Me.

Several Sundays ago, a wonderful recent convert began to ask an innocent question in our Gospel Principles class.  Our discussion was on repentance.  She began to talk earnestly about a few things she had done, wondering if she had really been washed clean in baptism.  Before she could get more than a few words of her past sins out, she was interrupted by another woman in the class, telling her she shouldn't tell us what she had done.  I was hurt for this convert.  I believe she was hurt too.  And confused.  What had she done wrong?  Had she broken some unspoken "Mormon Code" that states, "Thou Shalt Not Ever Admit To Having Sinned"?  

I suppose there are several schools of thought on this issue.  I believe many members believe that if your sins have been washed away, there is no reason to speak of them.  Perhaps they also, unconsciously or not, believe that to speak of your past sins is to cheapen the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Or maybe they believe that it is no one's business.  There have been talks on "airing our dirty laundry".  Whatever the reasons, I wholeheartedly disagree.  In fact, I'm sick and tired of this attitude.

I'm not saying I want to have a testimony meeting that is all "I did this, and I did that."  I AM saying, however, that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with bearing a testimony of the Atonement of Christ, and the spiritual lessons you've learned through your struggles.  If you question if you should share a story, just inquire of yourself your motivation.  Is it to uplift and edify?  If so, share away!

Quite frankly, if you want to tell the world you murdered someone, you should be able to.  Part of our Church's PR troubles consist of people feeling that they are being silenced, unallowed to share feelings that others may not like.  Being a part of a religion like this makes us struggle more than we need to.  We feel we can never measure up to our standard of perfection.  How did we get this way?

Our church was not always this way.  Open the scriptures to any beautiful story of redemption, and you will read of prophets and apostles tell of the great sins they committed, and the way back to Christ.  I believe these stories are in our scriptures for a reason.  They are meant to show us that no matter the sin, no matter the pain and trial, there is a way back.  It has been done before!  They may not spell every detail out, but they don't need to.  They show us that yes, they sinned in very real, very human ways. If I may be so bold, I personally feel that by sweeping our repentance under the rug, we are cheapening the Atonement.  The greatest growth we experience in life is the growth of overcoming sin through our Savior. 

I am in no way suggesting that people share aspects of their past that they do not wish to share.  I am merely saying that I am blessed by those who are strong enough to share their trials with me, without shame.

I feel sad for our Church.  I want us to be able to help lift each other, and truly carrying each others burdens; as we promised to do at baptism.  How can we do this when there is so much shame in admitting our sins?  There is HEALTHY guilt, the stirrings of the light of Christ that tell us we need to change, and there is UNHEALTHY shame.  This shame tells us we are worthless, and unworthy of happiness.  I'm done with shame.  The Church should be too.  

I believe we are on the cusp of something exciting in the Church.  I have felt a shift in the paradigm of the members.  I feel we are leaving this harmful culture (one that is NOT spoken of in the gospel of Christ) and creating one that is more open, more loving, and something to be proud of.  We forgive more easily, but do not forget our redemption; nor our Redeemer.  I believe our Heavenly Father smiles down on us when we are willing to love unconditionally.  This is my hope for the future of the Church.

 




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